There are times when you really enjoy life as is. I mean, take my friends from my senior year. Every moment we spent together was frickin' awesome. We would hang out at the beach, we would go to museums, we even stargazed - and had a blast. It really didn't matter what we were doing, just that we were together.
The thing is, when I think about us, I never think about how we started. I think it was something to do with a movie (oh, wait I remember now...), but nonetheless, the beginning is not important. We enjoyed each other as we were in the present. We never had to worry about being used or hidden motives. Things came together very smoothly, and so no-one ever needed to question how we came to be. It's when things start too smoothly, that beginnings need to be questioned.
I have had the misfortune to have the need to question origins.
We were walking home from dinner. It was nice out: the breeze gave a nice chill to the warm autumn air. The street likes seemed more amber than usual, and the dark shadows added a sense of dark beauty, rather than their usual fear. The world just seemed richer and more beautiful. Things were going smoothly for once. I looked down and I realized that he was holding my hand. Wow, he was holding my hand. In public. I love college I thought to myself. I could do what ever I wanted. And things went in my favor, because life was finally allowing me to enjoy myself. It was so... nice. Everything came together just right. It was good. Almost too good. But who cares? I'm on a date, and I don't have to hide it. I don't have to pretend like I'm just "hangin' with my bro." So who cares how I got here. I just was enjoying it.
Weeks have gone by since that point in my life, and I have finally come to question why things came to be. I mean why did I fall into this relationship. I wasn't looking for it. I wasn't fighting for it. Things just happened. But why?
And when you ask for the truth, you must be ready for everything. The Good. The Bad. The Worst.
I have recently found out that someone who I cared about just joined the group because they wanted to be with someone. Granted, he didn't mean to use or abuse them, he just wanted to be with someone. And then I found out that I was second choice as well. He can be naive and oblivious to those who he's affecting, but I am hurt by this motive of his. Despite how much fun I've been having, I can't help but think about who I am to him: second choice someone to be with. That may not be how he views me now, but I need to either accept that this is how it started, or let him go and move on. So for now, I must think and decide.
To discover the outcome of this development, tune in next time to Quintessence of Dustbuster!
30 October 2009
21 October 2009
People are Annoying
There are some people who should be eliminated from this planet. One of those people is in my Physics 141 and Calculus III class. So he sits in the back of the class. Not just the back area, but the very last row. Of both classes. Right there; most people who sit in the back are those who wish to just observe the class and not really comment or actually answer questions. But no, he feels a need to comment on everything. He tries to answer the questions the teachers answer. Normally I'm very ok with that. He yells his answers with that southern twang of his. I have nothing against the southern accent, but here it just things more annoying. He blurts out his answers. On top of that, he's usually wrong. Fantastic. Someone yelling absurd answers to the rest of the class while the professor could actually be asking a rhetorical question. But here's the kicker: He brags about his grades to the rest of the class. On Monday, we got our midterms back and he of course was complaining about how he didn't get a perfect grade because of the grading of the professor. It ends up that he got like a B, which means he had to get some of the answers wrong, not because of silly mistakes, but actually misunderstanding the material. He was, like always, very loud in his protesting of the midterm. So everyone could here him. I wanted to punch him.
I'm just done with him. I wish he would grow up and go away.
Hmmm now that I think about it, he reminds me of someone I once knew......
I'm just done with him. I wish he would grow up and go away.
Hmmm now that I think about it, he reminds me of someone I once knew......
12 October 2009
Catch-Up
It's been a while.
So in the past few weeks there has been so much stuff. Let's talk about classes first. My Physics class sucks. My teacher from high school was so good that he's taught me everything I know in order to pass this college level course. At the same time, my teacher has some quirky notation sometimes, so I have to go to class so that I will be able to pass HIS tests. Aside from that, you will probably see my facebook status say that I could have slept through Physics from time to time.
My Calc III class is amazing. My teacher reminds me a lot of my old Physics teacher, but heavily caffeinated and more social. He's extremely smart, and can apply almost everything he teaches us to some type of engineering or other real-life application. He runs around the classroom while teaching, using the whole spectrum of the rainbow to write on the chalkboard. Also, we cannot call him Dr. White. His dad was a doctor, and he hates that, so we have to call him Matt.
My Freshman Writing Class is a joke. Currently we're writing a "How to" essay. We did that in 10th grade. Also, our homework consists of proofreading paragraphs. We did that in 4th grade. So I'm done with that class. Enough said...
Now on to the Fraternity!
Whoa, whoa, whoa... Paul, you joined a fraternity?!
Yeah... From the beginning I never thought I would. But this one is different.
Different? How can this fraternity be different?
Well it's a fraternity for gay men-
-WHAT?
Well you get the idea. Throughout high school I vowed that I would never join a fraternity. They are stupid and pointless because all they do is party and haze their new members. But this one really is different. Delta Lambda Phi (DLP) is a fraternity that is made for gay men and welcomes them into their safe and secure brotherhood. This fraternity has the highest average GPA, does one of the most community service and fund-raisers and doesn't party like all the rest. In fact they don't have parties (with alcohol). And they are hazing-free! But enough about the technical stuff.
What really got me to join the fraternity was the members. I've been to many of their rush events and I haven't come back to my lovely little dorm satisfied about the night. We've been bowling, we went to a dance - even the info night was a blast! At this point I've become a pledge-ee into the fraternity and I've already been introduced to my Big Brother. His name is Kiko. He's soo much fun. Very sarcastic, and he loves to swim. He's short so he doesn't have the swimmer's build, but we'll forgive him there. Haha. Anyways. His Big Brother (my Grand-Big) is Lamont. If you couldn't tell from the name... he's black. And he'll let you know it. He's a 6 foot 7 (if not, taller) lanky black gay guy that will make you laugh until you cry every time you see him. Wow, I wish I had the ability to elaborate more on these guys, but alas I suck at writing. Anyways, I love my brothers and I can't wait to become a full inducted member.
But now for the part that many have been waiting for. I'm seeing someone! Yay! His name is Jared. Now I should probably break out into song... I won't, I'll spare you my straight male readers. Anyways, I found out that I have a thing for boys who have been in marching band for 4 years and are also boy scouts (in this case, Jared's an Eagle Scout like me). We went to Forever 21 to buy clothes for a dance DLP was going to, and things kind of just fell into place. He flirted back and then we eventually went on a date (which happened to be his birthday, so I bought the dinner). For all those who follow me on facebook, that's what I was doing when I went to Big Sky Cafe last Friday. But I digress. So he's very cute. Loves musicals and has his band-geekiness still, so we can talk about classical music and the musical theory behind it all. We've also bonded over Photoshop. He's an architecture major and he's very new to Photoshop, so I've been there to help him out a lot. (Which is nice, because then we get to hang out.) However, there are still details to come and you'll have to wait for a future blog to hear the rest.
I'll hopefully start blogging more frequently, so who knows?
So in the past few weeks there has been so much stuff. Let's talk about classes first. My Physics class sucks. My teacher from high school was so good that he's taught me everything I know in order to pass this college level course. At the same time, my teacher has some quirky notation sometimes, so I have to go to class so that I will be able to pass HIS tests. Aside from that, you will probably see my facebook status say that I could have slept through Physics from time to time.
My Calc III class is amazing. My teacher reminds me a lot of my old Physics teacher, but heavily caffeinated and more social. He's extremely smart, and can apply almost everything he teaches us to some type of engineering or other real-life application. He runs around the classroom while teaching, using the whole spectrum of the rainbow to write on the chalkboard. Also, we cannot call him Dr. White. His dad was a doctor, and he hates that, so we have to call him Matt.
My Freshman Writing Class is a joke. Currently we're writing a "How to" essay. We did that in 10th grade. Also, our homework consists of proofreading paragraphs. We did that in 4th grade. So I'm done with that class. Enough said...
Now on to the Fraternity!
Whoa, whoa, whoa... Paul, you joined a fraternity?!
Yeah... From the beginning I never thought I would. But this one is different.
Different? How can this fraternity be different?
Well it's a fraternity for gay men-
-WHAT?
Well you get the idea. Throughout high school I vowed that I would never join a fraternity. They are stupid and pointless because all they do is party and haze their new members. But this one really is different. Delta Lambda Phi (DLP) is a fraternity that is made for gay men and welcomes them into their safe and secure brotherhood. This fraternity has the highest average GPA, does one of the most community service and fund-raisers and doesn't party like all the rest. In fact they don't have parties (with alcohol). And they are hazing-free! But enough about the technical stuff.
What really got me to join the fraternity was the members. I've been to many of their rush events and I haven't come back to my lovely little dorm satisfied about the night. We've been bowling, we went to a dance - even the info night was a blast! At this point I've become a pledge-ee into the fraternity and I've already been introduced to my Big Brother. His name is Kiko. He's soo much fun. Very sarcastic, and he loves to swim. He's short so he doesn't have the swimmer's build, but we'll forgive him there. Haha. Anyways. His Big Brother (my Grand-Big) is Lamont. If you couldn't tell from the name... he's black. And he'll let you know it. He's a 6 foot 7 (if not, taller) lanky black gay guy that will make you laugh until you cry every time you see him. Wow, I wish I had the ability to elaborate more on these guys, but alas I suck at writing. Anyways, I love my brothers and I can't wait to become a full inducted member.
But now for the part that many have been waiting for. I'm seeing someone! Yay! His name is Jared. Now I should probably break out into song... I won't, I'll spare you my straight male readers. Anyways, I found out that I have a thing for boys who have been in marching band for 4 years and are also boy scouts (in this case, Jared's an Eagle Scout like me). We went to Forever 21 to buy clothes for a dance DLP was going to, and things kind of just fell into place. He flirted back and then we eventually went on a date (which happened to be his birthday, so I bought the dinner). For all those who follow me on facebook, that's what I was doing when I went to Big Sky Cafe last Friday. But I digress. So he's very cute. Loves musicals and has his band-geekiness still, so we can talk about classical music and the musical theory behind it all. We've also bonded over Photoshop. He's an architecture major and he's very new to Photoshop, so I've been there to help him out a lot. (Which is nice, because then we get to hang out.) However, there are still details to come and you'll have to wait for a future blog to hear the rest.
I'll hopefully start blogging more frequently, so who knows?
21 September 2009
WOW
WOW is finally over, and I'm dead tired. I've finally made time to create this post about the past week, so here it goes:
Monday started off, well, kind of boring. We met with our teachers for our major, but not really. There are so many engineers that the one-on-one time with everyone is wasted. As we started the Week of Welcome (WOW) there was mostly ice breaker games. If you do not know, I hate ice breakers. Essentially, we're going to make you do very uncomfortable things or force you to have cheesy conversations with people who you don't know. Luckily, we went to dinner about an hour into the games, which allowed us to have actual conversations. After dinner we went downtown to a place called Yogurt Creations. Here we had our frozen yogurt, and then played a game called Ninja. This game is not an ice breaker, and is just a fun action-packed game. Our group had so much fun and we just opened up by ourselves with out the help of the ice breakers (without ice breakers??? but how?). We played that and some other non-ice breaker games for about an hour and a half on the area outside Yogurt Creations.
Not that the rest of the week wasn't fun, but if I were to detail each remaining day, it would be very long. There were some lectures on drug safety and stress and such, but those aren't what made the week. So here's the highlights: on Tuesday we went kayaking. We saw some seals (who wanted to attack us for being to close to their basking spot) and almost everyone got flipped by the waves on our way back to shore. The rest of the day, we just hung out at the beach. Very chill.
Wednesday is kind of a blur to me, however Thursday was very fun. Like most places, there is a farmer's market on Thursday. But the market here in SLO is not just some local get together - It's a frickin' party. They close off an entire street for this thing. There's always live music, and the Salsa and Line Dancing clubs come and bring dance floors. And not only farmers and clubs come, political parties too. That is when I registered to vote! (Unfortunately I had to go democrat, but that's for a different post.) Oh, and you can buy fresh produce there too. After our group got back on campus, we went to a hypnotist show. Whether you believe in that or not, it was frickin hilarious. He made people in my group dance like ballerinas and then one of our guys was in a body builder show. At one point, the hypnotist told the volunteers that they were smelling something extremely enticing from the person to their left. This one girl in a black shirt practically molested the guy on the right. The things people did...
Friday was SLObound day. That's where all these local business of SLO come together in booth form (yes, booth form) and give away a ton of free shit. At Cal Poly they call it SWAG (shit we all get) but I've been trying to avoid as many acronyms as possible. I got a whole laundry bag full of free stuff. Later that night was my favorite part of the day: Slam Poetry (aka Spoken Word). We had three famous slam poets who performed some of their pieces for us. Some were serious and profound, others were comical. My favorite poetic was Sonya Renee. She's frickin' hilarious and yet at the same time she can be very profound. When cheering for her, we were told to be J-cup loud (the size of her boobs). Anyways, I won't dwindle on her too long, as a may be doing a review of her in the future.
Saturday was the Blockparty. That's where all the clubs get together (in booth form) to advertise for their clubs. I signed up for the Salsa club (why not give it a try), the Gay-Straight Alliance, the Secular Society, and the Society for Civil Engineers. This is also where I got my goldfish (which is named Kevin after my missing roommate). Finally, to end the week we went to my WOW leader's house to watch movies and play Apples to Apples. My wow group plays very similarly to my friends back at home (very politically...incorrect if you will).
My WOW group, was awesome. We never did any community service, and we only did events that were the best of the best. Alex and Aspen are both returning WOW leaders, so they knew exactly what to do to make it a fantastic week. So a shout out to them. Now the week of fun is over, and it's time to start classes.
Monday started off, well, kind of boring. We met with our teachers for our major, but not really. There are so many engineers that the one-on-one time with everyone is wasted. As we started the Week of Welcome (WOW) there was mostly ice breaker games. If you do not know, I hate ice breakers. Essentially, we're going to make you do very uncomfortable things or force you to have cheesy conversations with people who you don't know. Luckily, we went to dinner about an hour into the games, which allowed us to have actual conversations. After dinner we went downtown to a place called Yogurt Creations. Here we had our frozen yogurt, and then played a game called Ninja. This game is not an ice breaker, and is just a fun action-packed game. Our group had so much fun and we just opened up by ourselves with out the help of the ice breakers (without ice breakers??? but how?). We played that and some other non-ice breaker games for about an hour and a half on the area outside Yogurt Creations.
Not that the rest of the week wasn't fun, but if I were to detail each remaining day, it would be very long. There were some lectures on drug safety and stress and such, but those aren't what made the week. So here's the highlights: on Tuesday we went kayaking. We saw some seals (who wanted to attack us for being to close to their basking spot) and almost everyone got flipped by the waves on our way back to shore. The rest of the day, we just hung out at the beach. Very chill.
Wednesday is kind of a blur to me, however Thursday was very fun. Like most places, there is a farmer's market on Thursday. But the market here in SLO is not just some local get together - It's a frickin' party. They close off an entire street for this thing. There's always live music, and the Salsa and Line Dancing clubs come and bring dance floors. And not only farmers and clubs come, political parties too. That is when I registered to vote! (Unfortunately I had to go democrat, but that's for a different post.) Oh, and you can buy fresh produce there too. After our group got back on campus, we went to a hypnotist show. Whether you believe in that or not, it was frickin hilarious. He made people in my group dance like ballerinas and then one of our guys was in a body builder show. At one point, the hypnotist told the volunteers that they were smelling something extremely enticing from the person to their left. This one girl in a black shirt practically molested the guy on the right. The things people did...
Friday was SLObound day. That's where all these local business of SLO come together in booth form (yes, booth form) and give away a ton of free shit. At Cal Poly they call it SWAG (shit we all get) but I've been trying to avoid as many acronyms as possible. I got a whole laundry bag full of free stuff. Later that night was my favorite part of the day: Slam Poetry (aka Spoken Word). We had three famous slam poets who performed some of their pieces for us. Some were serious and profound, others were comical. My favorite poetic was Sonya Renee. She's frickin' hilarious and yet at the same time she can be very profound. When cheering for her, we were told to be J-cup loud (the size of her boobs). Anyways, I won't dwindle on her too long, as a may be doing a review of her in the future.
Saturday was the Blockparty. That's where all the clubs get together (in booth form) to advertise for their clubs. I signed up for the Salsa club (why not give it a try), the Gay-Straight Alliance, the Secular Society, and the Society for Civil Engineers. This is also where I got my goldfish (which is named Kevin after my missing roommate). Finally, to end the week we went to my WOW leader's house to watch movies and play Apples to Apples. My wow group plays very similarly to my friends back at home (very politically...incorrect if you will).
My WOW group, was awesome. We never did any community service, and we only did events that were the best of the best. Alex and Aspen are both returning WOW leaders, so they knew exactly what to do to make it a fantastic week. So a shout out to them. Now the week of fun is over, and it's time to start classes.
14 September 2009
The First Few Hours
Finally. A post from Cal Poly. I've finally moved in. I haven't finished unpacking my clothes, but the rest of my room is set up. As for my living situation, I don't have a roommate. He doesn't go this school anymore. So I have this smelling room to myself. Which would be cool if it weren't for the fact that I strongly dislike my hallmates. They kind of just "hang" all day talking about parties and getting drunk. I mean I expected there to be talk like that. But that's all they've done. All the time. Gah... and they are the exact opposite of me. So that's my living situation.
However, Tyler did introduce me to the people from his tower (thank you soo much). They are awesome people. I even found someone who is majoring in civil engineering like me. I was hesitant at first, but then Patricia suggested that we play cards. I was in. Then someone else said that she brought Apples to Apples. I think I almost dropped to the floor. I was so fuckin' (sorry Laura, I had to in order to counteract any 'hella's I've been hearing today) happy. We played Apples to Apples till 1ish. We invited people to join in when ever they pleased. It was very communal; it was nice to meet new people. Granted they don't play as well as my Maverick (+ Laura) friends back home, but I really feel that I will enjoy hanging out with these people.
I feel bad not knowing everyone's name from that group. However, since my living area is rather suckish, I plan to go over to Tower 6 a lot. These past couple of hours have been rather eventful, even though the events really haven't started yet.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sorry this post has been a bit rambly. I've just been a bit rushed into college. They will be more coherent in the future.
However, Tyler did introduce me to the people from his tower (thank you soo much). They are awesome people. I even found someone who is majoring in civil engineering like me. I was hesitant at first, but then Patricia suggested that we play cards. I was in. Then someone else said that she brought Apples to Apples. I think I almost dropped to the floor. I was so fuckin' (sorry Laura, I had to in order to counteract any 'hella's I've been hearing today) happy. We played Apples to Apples till 1ish. We invited people to join in when ever they pleased. It was very communal; it was nice to meet new people. Granted they don't play as well as my Maverick (+ Laura) friends back home, but I really feel that I will enjoy hanging out with these people.
I feel bad not knowing everyone's name from that group. However, since my living area is rather suckish, I plan to go over to Tower 6 a lot. These past couple of hours have been rather eventful, even though the events really haven't started yet.
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Sorry this post has been a bit rambly. I've just been a bit rushed into college. They will be more coherent in the future.
28 August 2009
Impatient
How do I know who I'm going to be friends with? How are my classes going to effect my social life (assuming I have one)? What are my classes going to be? I mean, I don't even know my roommate. It's terrifying. I wish I had some connection to Cal Poly. I've heard that all the people at Cal Poly are awesome. And I trust my sources. I just can't stand not knowing what I'm getting into. I've heard people know only party people. While for some that's good enough, but I want to meet some chill people who know how to have fun without being at a party. Maybe my anxiousness is developing into fear. Yet at the same time it is also becoming excitement. It's like the night before Christmas when you were a child. I can only expect this to be awesome. At the same time, I can't help but wonder if I'm going to not find anyone. Or more specifically, I'm afraid I'm not going to find anyone that competes with my old friends. I'm terrified. I'm excited. I just want to start college.
27 August 2009
Heart of My Mystery
Due to previous criticism *cough* Ashley *cough* I decided to rename my address for my blog. Make it more creative, right? So here it is: Heart of My Mystery. It's from, well, can you imagine, Hamlet. In Act III scene ii, when Hamlet realizes that Rosencranz and Guildenstern are working as spies for the king. He calls them out on it, because they believe they can pinpoint his 'insanity'. However Hamlet is too complex of a human to be "played" so he says:
"Why, look you now, how unworthy a thing you make of me. You would play upon me; you would seem to know my stops; you would pluck out the heart of my mystery; you would sound me from my lowest note to the top of my compass; and there is much music, excellent voice, in this little organ, yet cannot you make it speak. 'Sblood, do you think I am easier to be played on than a pipe? Call me what instrument you will, though you can fret me, you cannot play upon me"After reviewing all the fantastic Hamlet quotes (and eliminating which quotes were already in use) I finally settled on this slightly ironic quote. While Hamlet uses it to demonstrate how complex he is, I am using it as the means to find my blog. A blog which will hopefully reveal a little bit about my and "aura of mystery" (from a murder mystery party that I will touch on in a later post).
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