Origins

There are times when you really enjoy life as is. I mean, take my friends from my senior year. Every moment we spent together was frickin' awesome. We would hang out at the beach, we would go to museums, we even stargazed - and had a blast. It really didn't matter what we were doing, just that we were together.

The thing is, when I think about us, I never think about how we started. I think it was something to do with a movie (oh, wait I remember now...), but nonetheless, the beginning is not important. We enjoyed each other as we were in the present. We never had to worry about being used or hidden motives. Things came together very smoothly, and so no-one ever needed to question how we came to be. It's when things start too smoothly, that beginnings need to be questioned.

I have had the misfortune to have the need to question origins.

We were walking home from dinner. It was nice out: the breeze gave a nice chill to the warm autumn air. The street likes seemed more amber than usual, and the dark shadows added a sense of dark beauty, rather than their usual fear. The world just seemed richer and more beautiful. Things were going smoothly for once. I looked down and I realized that he was holding my hand. Wow, he was holding my hand. In public. I love college I thought to myself. I could do what ever I wanted. And things went in my favor, because life was finally allowing me to enjoy myself. It was so... nice. Everything came together just right. It was good. Almost too good. But who cares? I'm on a date, and I don't have to hide it. I don't have to pretend like I'm just "hangin' with my bro." So who cares how I got here. I just was enjoying it.

Weeks have gone by since that point in my life, and I have finally come to question why things came to be. I mean why did I fall into this relationship. I wasn't looking for it. I wasn't fighting for it. Things just happened. But why?

And when you ask for the truth, you must be ready for everything. The Good. The Bad. The Worst.

I have recently found out that someone who I cared about just joined the group because they wanted to be with someone. Granted, he didn't mean to use or abuse them, he just wanted to be with someone. And then I found out that I was second choice as well. He can be naive and oblivious to those who he's affecting, but I am hurt by this motive of his. Despite how much fun I've been having, I can't help but think about who I am to him: second choice someone to be with. That may not be how he views me now, but I need to either accept that this is how it started, or let him go and move on. So for now, I must think and decide.

To discover the outcome of this development, tune in next time to Quintessence of Dustbuster!